Gifts

= =

Count your blessings. The glass is half full. We all have loads of feel good sound bites with this flavour. Of course they all contain and convey a valuable wisdom. However the meat of these homilies is one of the best examples of our ability to talk the talk but not walk the walk. The basic truth here is that everywhere you turn, something or someone is helping you. Most of us have very little awareness of the depth and breadth of this help… these gifts. Learning to see these gifts is incredibly enlightening. This enlightenment can lead to a whole different way with which you perceive everything around you.

We can look at a person, object or event from three vantage points: > > Most people default to the first method. You can often shift to the second method with some scientific thinking. However the third, this takes a whole new kind of effort.
 * 1) To see what’s wrong with it. (This puts the //self// front and centre)
 * 2) To see it objectively. (Done correctly, the //self// and //others// disappear)
 * 3) To see the gift in it. (With this, //others// loom large)

Our natural sense of entitlement can be the biggest obstacle. If you experience something as //mine// you can’t see the gift. Think of all the //things// in your life that you regard as your own. There are probably a fair number on that list that you don’t even own in the legal sense. When you look at this list and take in its enormity in light of the majority of other people on the planet it’s more than a little embarrassing. The concept of //mine// becomes truly insignificant if you remember that in 100 years- all new people. Now think of all the //rights// that you believe that you are entitled to…go on, dig deep. Here should be another equally cumbersome list. How many of the items on these lists do you truly, from the bottom of your soul, appreciate? Voter turnout and the disposable nature of our consumer driven culture provide the answer to that question.

We all borrow heavily from the labours and efforts of others. Without a completely different way of viewing life we run the risk of never seeing these amazing loans from the universe. Just as so many are taught to believe that people are masters of this planet rather than simply stewards. In reality, we are the one species that could be removed from Mother Earth and see her benefit greatly. The same holds true for athletes and society in general. The higher profile and more successful one is, will often reflect the large number of gifts received from coaches, parents, facilities, equipment, training partners… the list is immense. Realizing this huge chain can bring security. We are not alone. We are literally surrounded by gifts and a chain of givers. Finding your place in that chain as an equal and functioning link while appreciating all the other links is the true challenge and measure of success.

Here’s an exercise to try out. Let’s consider the chair you sit in at work or at an event. Up until this very moment that chair hasn’t received any attention from you, aside from the fact that it comfortably supports you during that time. Nor have you thought that someone designed that chair, people manufactured it, someone paid for it, and someone put it where you could use it. Many people had a hand in the chair’s creation and journey. It’s fair to say that you are receiving a service from the chair and from all those people whose efforts were parts of the story. It is also safe to say that there are people somewhere who would be ecstatic to simply have a chair such as this to have in their home. Whether you notice it or not, whether you thank it or not, the chair offers your support, comfort. The chair is a silent gift. Now consider the people who sit in chairs around you, what they bring to you and the vast stories behind it all.

What else are you missing? How many conveniences do you fail to truly see? Is there something right in front of you waiting to offer you service? Are there people who are giving to you, unnoticed? Perhaps they are “just doing their job” and you are the beneficiary.

If you adopt the gift perspective you will discover that you are in debt. Perhaps we are reluctant to look because of an unwillingness to experience this indebtedness. However when we see ourselves as rich, in the sense of having received much, it is natural to want to give back. Understanding the debt provides a moral imperative to become a lively participant in the culture of the gift. Ultimately, the nature of a gift is something that must keep moving, and moving away from us. It is less important that we return something directly to the one who gave to us than it is that we keep the energy of the gift alive, in motion, moving forward.

The best things in life aren’t things. There’s another greeting card sound bite for you and whose truth is lost on most. Often the best present you can give is encouragement and appreciation. Each of us has an unlimited bank account of credit to give away. We are so quick to complain when we are inconvenienced by the absence of something we take for granted but do we speak as loudly for the routine work others do for us? What are they doing well? What are they doing that is difficult or thankless? How can an hour go by without giving credit to someone? In higher education we are trained to look for what’s wrong. We praise the critical life and see virtue in being able to find fault and point it out. This is a practice that may sharpen the mind but definitely dulls the heart.

We are not alone. Our path has been swept by others. We have to replace the myth of the self-made person with an understanding of our interdependence. Being on a team magnifies how we are all inextricably bound to each other. Everything we do or refrain from doing matters. Your effort or neglect of the smallest detail has consequence. The story of the butterfly on one side of the continent whose beating wings creates a tidal change on the other side of the continent is a wonderful illustration of this.

Our gifts come to us as separate items- someone you work with, a family member, the person you play against everyday in practice that doesn’t see much game time constantly cheering for you, the veteran player taking time to mentor a rookie, the person who cleans the toilet – the list is inexhaustible. Life comes to us in details. Look for them – one more time.